A New Poem

The sun rises... the clouds try to hold him back
Colors splash over the room
Drowning in light, I can breathe a little easier
Minutes pass by until an hour has gone
Where have I been? What have I been doing?
There are no tears, there are no smiles
A blank face who tries to hide from you...

As the sunlight hits  my face
I want to burst into a hundred meteors
And slam into your planet heart
I want to profess my love in a million poems
Yet my hand is too weak to hold a pen
My heart to weak to hold an emotion
I slip back into my sunlit ocean...

Breathe baby, breathe...
Decorate the afternoon with laughter
Sing until the tears wash away the sadness
Play and dance, for the embodiment of purity
is smiling and waiting for you...

The sun has set and I no longer want to stay awake
I stare at the stars and remember my youth
A million hands reaching out to take you away
A million books to be read
A desire to find happiness rather than be content

In the night I wish to have you by my side
At night I pray to dream about sunlight

Struggle

My head dunks underneath the water
Sound is absent...
I hold my breath as long as I can
The sun creates a beautiful seen on the waves...

My mind begins to wander
I try to search for my source of happiness
Is it there in my daughter's face?
Is it there in the laughter of my wife?
I witness my brothers and sisters struggling everyday

They struggle for their position and money
They struggle for a social life... They struggle for sex

Spiritual life is also a struggle...
The illusory potency is so strong and cruel
She presents the best offers possible only to blow you over like a twig in a hurricane
I have to admit that I flirt with her daily
Somehow by the devotees' insurmountable mercy I am still struggling

Let's go to the desert
The desert is actually in our hearts
Jesus went to the desert for forty nights and forty days
His heart was flooded by the pure waters of God's love
Flirting with maya is like putting a drop on the desert like soil of our hearts
We torture ourselves with a drop
When the ocean is there at any moment

Lust, anger and greed trample me when I should show restraint
I pray and curse my fickle mind
O Lord, what will You do with such a foolish person?

I struggle to chant Your holy names
My brother struggles for temporary sense gratification
So many people in anxiety and living with fear
I curse myself because I allow them to live this way
Why don't I struggle to help them?
Instead I criticize them to show how I'm better than them

Where is my humility?
Where is my compassion?
O Radha, You are the keeper of Krishna's heart
You give energy to the devotees
You are most merciful
When shall this fallen soul gain the most precious opportunity of serving the devotees of Your devotees?

Finally More Poems and Prayers

Got No Water by Matisyahu:

"You quench my thirsting soul and you fill my appetite
I give myself to you because you treat me right
Put my trust in the world and the world gets tight
Shift my trust to you it's like a crystal clear night
Expand in all directions get the sections to unite
Hashem's rays fire blaze light my way light of my life
And these days well wait no longer night
I´m reaching for my God like skyscrapers in the night
I said I know it's hard inside is empty galus (exile) cuts like a knife
Internalize torah vibes bound to feel alright

Chorus:
Whirlwind of praise from below to above
Take flight in the sky got wings like a dove,
We Soaring to shamayim (heaven) where the angels call in love
And the glory of Hashem fits like a glove

Hashem rules the world and Israel is his wife
Love you yes my God with all my heart my soul and my might
When I feel you by my side yes I'm flying like a kite
When I feel you by my side yes I'm soaring like a kite

You open up my eyes and give me sight
Super energized and everyday I feel you give me life
I seen the ways of the world intoxifying on pride
Young man don't you know drugs impurify your mind
When Israel left mitzrayim four fifths got left behind
If you got no water how you gonna survive
Roots lead you to the well springs so you could stay alive
Pharaoh claimed to be a God and claimed to make the Nile
A crocodile could smile and show his teeth
You could see beauty shining externally but that's the story of Greece
Inside America bleeds, Israel won't you get up from your knees
Its just lies in disguise Torah's truth won't you please alive
Given to the humble one on Mt. Sinai

Chorus

Shma Y'sroel, Hashem Elokainu, Hashem Echad
(Hear Israel, the lord is our God, the lord is one)

The world could just crumble to dust it's just us it's not two it's just one
The middle road called truth, Torah you sooth my brain bruise
Open up peruse with knowledge of God
And move up an arousal from below till the secrets start to ooze
Don't snooze it's pure light the most high wants us alive
What's the proof?
We got life!
Chabad philosophy that's the deepest well-spring
Gaining knowledge of God while your gaining money
Fill up yourself with the light of his majesty
In a world of separation that's the only way to be
It's time we leave we won't flee just walk out easily

If you got no water how you gonna survive

Chorus"

Excerpt from The Masnavi Book 4 by Rumi:
"He loved music because he heard in it a mysterious conversation. Voices singing, the low menace of the drum, clear flute and trumpet. Philosophers have said that we love music because it resembles the sphere sounds of union. We've been part of a harmony before, so these moments of treble and bass keep our remembering fresh. But how does this happen within these dense bodies full of forgetfulness and doubt and grieving? It's like water passing through us. It becomes acidic and bitter, but still still as urine it retains watery qualities. It will put out a fire! So there is this music flowing through our bodies that can dowse restlessness. Hearing the sound, we gather strength. Love kindles with melody. Music feeds a lover composure, and provides form for the imagination. Music breathes on personal fire and makes it keener."


Psalm 133:
"Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down on the edge of his garments. It is like the dew of Hermon, descending upon the mountains of Zion; for there the Lord commanded the blessing- life forever more."


Third Eye by Tool:
"Dreaming of that face again. It's bright and blue and shimmering. Grinning wide and comforting me with it's three warm and wild eyes. On my back and tumbling down that hole and back again rising upand wiping the webs and the dew from my withered eye. In Out In Out In Out A child's rhyme stuck in my head. It said that life is but a dream. I've spent so many years in question to find I've known this all along. "So good to see you. I've missed you so much. So glad it's over. I've missed you so much. Came out to watch you play. Why are you running?" Shrouding all the ground around me. Is this holy crow above me. Black as holes within a memory and blue as our new second sun. I stick my hand into his shadow to pull the pieces from the sand. Which I attempt to reassemble to see just who I might have been. I do not recognize the vessel, but the eyes seem so familiar. Like phosphorescent desert buttons singing one familiar song... "So good to see you. I've missed you so much. So glad it's over. I've missed you so much. Came out to watch you play. Why are you running away?" Prying open my third eye. So good to see you once again. I thought that you were hiding. And you thought that I had run away. Chasing the tail of dogma. I opened my eye and there we were. So good to see you once again I thought that you were hiding from me. And you thought that I had run away. Chasing a trail of smoke and reason. Prying open my third eye."


Here I sit pouring over transcendental literatures
My mind struggles to retain, as my intelligence struggles to apply
O Lord Krishna this world is full of struggling
By Your mercy I somehow strive
I am thankful to be alive...
I am grateful to be allowed the opportunity to know Your most intimate pastimes
Most grateful to be allowed to chant Your holy names
All of this is a gift from my Gurudeva whose humility and devotion is as deep as the ocean
I pray to you Srila Prabhupada!
You have relieved me from the burden of impersonalism
What will I do with these rare jewels?
Will I keep them on a shelf some place?
Sitting and staring at the ocean
The breeze surrounds me and lifts my spirits
Chanting as I watch the waves crash
I sincerely pray to pray sincerely...
Bal Gopal das writes this as he meditates on the lotus feet of His Holiness Radhanath Swami

What's New

I haven't written anything in a very long time. The blog is usually filled up with quotes from Rumi, saints, Thomas Merton and videos I happened to enjoy, rather than anything I've actually written.

Three years ago I was going on writing spurts pumping out notebooks of various poems and short stories. For me that period helped me realize a lot about my personality. It also allowed me to grow in many different ways. It was, you could, say therapeutic.

When my daughter was born I stopped writing so much mainly due to a lack of time. I picked up the pen and started writing here and there, but I was just in a different mind space that I couldn't really write what I was feeling. I felt that I was writing on some platform that I couldn't relate to.

A year ago, I went through my notebooks and felt embarrassed. My writings felt superficial and nonsensical. I had wasted time on temporary feelings that were brought about by lust and hatred. That's because I grew up turning those emotions into something that helped me escape situations. After ten years of striving to have a personal relationship with God, I decided my writing had to stop so that I could focus on chanting, reading, and hearing.

The writings of this world are mostly in the mode of ignorance and the mode of passion. I don't want to produce something covered by the modes of material nature. I want to dig deep into myself and excavate unwanted desires that are keeping me from producing a message of love and compassion. To whomever is reading this now, I want to express gratitude and love for you.

We are all brothers and sisters. We have lost our way home and we have only each other to help each other find the path.
So I have made some changes to the blog and will be making changes in my personal life to really write something that means something. This will be mainly for my own purification. I'm done treading water, I want to swim.

Thank you for tolerating my many short comings. All glories to Sri Sri Guru Gauranga who are always guiding us in this world darkness.

Los Angeles City Blues

Los Angeles hums. There is no silence here. The freeway is busy, helicopters constantly flying, electrical wires buzzing, planes roaring above. The sounds mesh together as one big hum. Do I crave for silence?

I remember the summers I spent at my uncle's farm. At night it was so silent that you could hear a truck driving miles away. There was no light. That would inspire and scare me at the same time. The insects would be talking amongst themselves and frogs would be inviting gardner snakes with their croaking.
Peaceful and serene.

The city inspires rage and face paced days. Everyone colliding rather than floating. Obviously this is my subjective perception.

How to find silence in the city? Solace in the noise. Here I am listening to the birds outside. Do I focus on the birds more than the other sounds?

The mind can make heaven hell, and hell heaven.............