Surrender

The greatest benediction in life is to be able to perform devotional service to the Supreme Personality of Godhead. By performing devotional service, one purifies the senses and destroys the false designations that the false ego identifies with. This service disentangles the soul from matter.
In my devotional life, because I am inattentive, i see the service that I perform as just another activity I must get through so that I am able to do what I want to do. It has taken me millions of lifetimes to be able to perform this service, yet, I rush to do something my mind tricks me into believing is more important.
Surrender.... What does that word mean in this situation?
I can surrender my body without surrendering my mind. If I fail to surrender both, then I am not surrendered, simple...

This morning while chanting Hare Krishna, I meditated on how Srila Prabhupada stated: "The chanting is a spiritual call for the Lord and His internal energy Hara, to give protection to the conditioned soul." I started praying to Sri-Sri-Radha-Krishna to engage me in Their service. But then my mind added, "But not so much service because I'm already doing so much." What a foolish thing to add?!
This proves that I have no love. If I had love for God then I would have prayed: "Give me service until I'm completely immersed, so I have no spare time to waste on material activities."
Rather than fully surrender, I want to surrender at my own convenience. If I have to exert myself or suffer, then I don't want to surrender.

Jesus Christ knew that he was going to be crucified. in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed in a very particular way. He said, "Lord, if this cup can be taken away then allow it to pass from me. But let your will be done, not my will." Jesus was completely surrendered. He didn't want anything for himself. He only wanted what the Lord desired, even if that meant he would have to suffer.
A prayer that I chant at the end of my japa is the last verse of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu's Sikshastakam: "Let Krishna tightly embrace this maidservant, who has fallen at His lotus feet, or let Him trample me, or break my heart by never being visible to me. He is a debauchee after all, and can do whatever He likes. But He is the Lord of my heart and no one else."
Lord Caitanya is praying in the mood of Srimati Radharani. Sri Radhika only wants Krishna to have pleasure, even if that means that She might have to suffer.
So, surrendering is true love. It's like a parent who serves the child even if that parent has to struggle more. And the parent might not get anything back in the future. But Krishna is so kind that when one surrenders to Him than Krishna wants to serve that person.
I must focus on what surrender really means. Not a surrender out of fear, defeat or duty. A deep surrender that is unmotivated and uninterrupted.
A surrender out of love...